The New Mom’s Guide to Returning to Work
A large number of women today choose to get back to work after having kids…and rightfully so considering they have worked just as hard as the next person to be successful at work. However it also often happens that as you settle into motherhood, your professional self begins to become a blurred memory. You are only jolted back to reality when you see that your maternity leave is about to come to an end or that the sabbatical that you had chosen is drawing to a close. Most of us are, of course, and very naturally, excited to get back to our professional lives and our old selves. At the same time, there are niggling doubts that begin to grow into gargantuan mountains of worry and anxiety. At times like this, it’s good to know that you are not alone and definitely not the only one dealing with these insecurities. Women across the globe shoulder the worry of how they are going to find the elusive work-life balance, how they are going to excel in their workplace, how they will be the ‘best moms’ and the ‘best employee’ once they get back to work. In this blog, we try to take a look at some practical ways that can help new moms get back to work and not lose their sanity in the avalanche of emotions that waits to engulf them.
Let’s get one thing straight right away – getting back to work will, in no way, affect your baby negatively. Research conducted by New York’s Columbia University School of Social Work now proves that babies do not suffer when mothers go back to work and that this has no negative impact on their cognitive and social development. So keep this worry aside and take a look at how you can make a smooth transition back to your professional life.
Prepare for a new routine
Your life pre and post baby are very different. So expecting that you will be able to do everything with ninja-like precision like you did in your pre-baby days is only going to overwhelm you. Start with getting organized about your day. Make a list of things that are ‘must do’s’ and ‘good to do’s’. Don’t let that overflowing clothes hamper wanting to be organized be the bane of your suffering. Put off things that are not urgent. Master the art of prioritization to stay on schedule all along.
Use the sabbatical productively
It’s true that even a month away from work can set you back. What is equally true is that it doesn’t have to be this way. Given the rate at which the world is changing, it is advisable that you take some time out for yourself and commit to honing your skills. It could be registering for an online course, going for a workshop or just reading up and staying up-to-date on industry news and happenings. All this will make sure that you don’t feel like a relic when you get back to work.
Train your brain
Yes, it can be challenging to focus on work when all you want to do is see and show your co-workers cute videos and photographs of your adorable baby. Resist the urge to do so as you stand the risk of coming across as unprofessional and unfocused. Have conversations about things other than your baby with your colleagues (your baby is a gift to you and you might find the goo-goo’s adorable but your colleague might not) and talk about your baby only when someone asks. Set some time aside when you check-in on your baby either from your monitor or with a phone call. At the same time, when you go back home, leave your work back at the office. Be present and mindful with your child. Worrying about the presentation that you have to prepare is going to be of no use when you are reading a bedtime story to your child. Only when you are present in the moment can you truly enjoy it – this holds true at home and at work.
Select the right caregiving option
This is a big decision as it directly impacts the well-being of your child and you. Whatever be your choice, keeping baby at home with grandparents, with a nanny or at a daycare…make sure that you evaluate your options clearly, outline what you expect from the caregiver and ensure that your child is in a safe, secure and loving environment at all times that you trust. Looking at professional caregiving facilities is a good idea if you have access to one, as these are professionally run with people trained to manage and handle infants and small children. These professionals provide your child with avenues to learn, explore, enjoy and develop social skills. They use age-appropriate learning methodologies, free-play and scheduled activities to engage the kids which ultimately helps them become self-assured and confident individuals.
Dispel the green-eyed monster
Yes, you might be surprised at how the little green-eyed monster can take shape within you when you hear of a colleague’s increment/promotion while you have been busy bringing a life into this world and keeping it alive. It’s best to acknowledge your feelings here so that they don’t become detrimental to your mental health but also tell yourself, “hey, I’ve had X months of baby bliss. It’s only fair that others have their time in the sun’. Remember that you have been successful before and that you will now be more successful…Rome wasn’t built in a day!
Be realistic
Some days will be a breeze both at home and at work but there will also be days when you’ll feel like a zombie just trying to get through the day. Your baby might be awake all night (and if the baby is awake, you’re awake), the crying, screaming or tantrums might make you want to run out like you are being chased by the mighty Grizzly or your boss might have suddenly act like Attila the Hun…remember that all this is transient. Like before, you’ll have bad days. Accept it, go through it and move on. When it gets tough, look out for support. Talk to your spouse, your friend, your parents…whoever you feel will listen to your side of the story. Just let out your frustrations and quit trying to be ‘super mom’ (that’s the biggest myth out there), take help and you’ll find your life easing out and falling back into manageable proportions. Remember that most often we only work with 15-20 percent of our potential. So you can do it. I agree with Eleanor Roosevelt famous quote that woman is like a Tea bag, you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.
Prepare emotionally
Since the time your baby is born you dedicate every living, breathing minute to its care. It’s obvious that both you and baby will have to deal with separation anxiety once you get back to work. The best way to cope with this is to prepare yourself and your baby a couple of weeks in advance before your official work day begins. Start by leaving the baby in the daycare or with your spouse/ friend/nanny for a couple of hours each day. Spend this time with yourself and prepare for the days ahead. Have some fun. Meet your girlfriends. Go to the Spa…get a manicure…or just read a book. The idea here is to physically distance yourself from your child for a couple of hours so that you are both ready to face the new future…with preparation and without the guilt.
Finally, remember that even the smoothest roads have a few bumps along the way. Don’t get demotivated and overwhelmed when you face these bumps. Balancing work and family can be tricky as it is…add an overstressed, sleep deprived and overworked mind to it and you will only feel like you are drowning faster than the Titanic. So take a moment and quit the race for perfection. Quit aiming for someone else’s idea of ‘perfect’, instead design your own definitions and live by them. You’ll not only be able to manage your life well but will actually be happy doing so. And happy moms mean happier children. End of discussion.
